Note: I do not claim authorship. Someone had emailed me this many years ago and I want to share it.

Once upon a time, a fox was strolling through the woods. He was very surprised to see a rabbit typing on a typewriter (this is an old joke) while sitting upon a rock in front of a cave. The fox approached the rabbit and asked, “Rabbit. What are you doing?” The rabbit responded with, “I’m typing up my dissertation.” The fox inquired, “So rabbit, what is it about?” To which the rabbit replied, “Well, right now I’m typing up the chapter about ‘How Rabbits Eat Foxes.’”

Well, the fox was astounded and immediately bellowed at him, “But rabbits don’t eat foxes! Foxes eat rabbits!” He then moved quickly to attack the rabbit, but the rabbit ran into the cave. The fox pursued the rabbit into the cave. From the mouth of the cave, you could hear the sounds of gnashing teeth, biting, and bones scraping. A moment later, a fox pelt flew out of the cave, along with many fox bones.

The very next day, the rabbit was back, at the same place typing away. A wolf came strolling by. Seeing the rabbit, he exclaimed, “Rabbit. What are you doing?” The rabbit responded with, “I’m typing up my dissertation.” The wolf inquired, “So rabbit, what is it about?” To which the rabbit replied, “Well, right now I’m typing up the chapter about ‘How Rabbits Eat Wolves.’”

Well, just like the fox, the wolf was thoroughly astounded and immediately bellowed at him, “But rabbits don’t eat wolves! Wolves eat rabbits!” He then moved quickly to attack the rabbit, but the rabbit ran into the cave. The wolf pursued the rabbit into the cave. From the mouth of the cave, you could hear the sounds of gnashing teeth, biting, and bones scraping. A moment later, a wolf pelt flew out of the cave, along with many wolf bones.

The very next day, the rabbit was back, at the same place typing away. A bear came strolling by. Seeing the rabbit, he exclaimed, “Rabbit. What are you doing?” The rabbit responded with, “I’m typing up my dissertation.” The bear inquired, “So rabbit, what is it about?” To which the rabbit replied, “Well, right now I’m typing up the chapter about ‘How Rabbits Eat Bears.’”

Well, just like the wolf and the fox before him, the bear was thoroughly astounded and immediately bellowed at him, “But rabbits don’t eat bears! Bears eat rabbits!” He then moved quickly to attack the rabbit, but the rabbit ran into the cave. The bear pursued the rabbit into the cave. From the mouth of the cave, you could hear the sounds of gnashing teeth, biting, and bones scraping. A moment later, a bear pelt flew out of the cave along with very many bear bones.

A moment later, the rabbit steps out of the cave with a lion. The lion is smiling and has his paw around the rabbit’s shoulders.

The moral is, of course: “The topic of your dissertation is not what is important, nor is the research itself. The most important aspect of your dissertation is the strength of your dissertation chair.” Choose your chair wisely.

Created: August 23, 2001
Last Modified: September 8, 2001
Jay E. Aronson