University of Georgia

Terry College of Business
 

It could be a lingering glance, a suggestive comment or an invitation to dinner that under different circumstances might be welcomed. But when that behavior comes from your boss, your colleague or the pastor of your church, everything changes. And if, despite your rebuffs and discouragement, the behavior continues, it has slid from merely bad manners to sexual harassment,, and that is against the law.

Once a taboo subject, sexual harassment is now out in the open. From the Hollywood TV set of Martin, where the star, Martin Lawrence, is being sued for sexual harassment by his costar, Tisha Campbell, to the Oval Office of the President, who has been accused of harassing state employee Paula Jones when he was governor of Arkansas, sexual harassment can touch the lives of men and women of all races and from all walks of life.

Despite corporate attempts to curtail it, sexual harassment in the workplace continues to be hard to curb. A 1996 American Management Association (AMA) nationwide survey of large U.S. corporations found that 72 percent of the responding companies had recently processed at least one sexual-harassment report - a high figure when one considers that on the average only about 10 percent of all incidents are reported.

Incidents of sexual harassment are particularly humiliating for African-American women. Often the harassment is perceived as a throwback to the days of slavery, when black women were vulnerable to sexual abuse and were seen by men as being both available and "easy." Because of our history, many of us simply refuse to become victims of the kind of racism and sexual harassment that our mothers and grandmothers had to endure.

Ignorance of the law and/or fear of humiliation or reprisal are typically the reasons many women suffer in silence. More often than not, women simply don’t know how to handle the harassment. With this in mind, ESSENCE asked experts on how best to handle situations in which the remarks or actions of a boss, a colleague or anyone else have left the realm of being merely annoying and become sexually harassing.

The owner of the firm where I work is notorious for his inappropriate behavior, but our complaints to our managers fall of deal ears. What can we do?

This business owner has created a hostile work environment for his female employees, and this is a distinct form of sexual harassment. Cheryl Henderson, Psy.D., a psychologist and senior management-development consultant with First Management Services, a Stamford, Connecticut, human-resources consulting firm sees this as a "tricky situation, because the person who is ultimately responsible for eradicating sexual harassment is the culprit perpetuating it." But there is recourse.

"In a perfect world, all workplaces would have a sexual-harassment policy in place, management would be properly trained in enforcing it, and there would be an on-site employee assistance program to handle infractions," says Mel Lyons, manager of recruiting at Equal Employment Opportunity/Affirmative Action for the American Management Association (AMA) in New York City. In the absence of perfection, however, get satisfaction. There is strength in numbers, so use your collective voice as leverage in lodging a formal complaint with your managers, preferable in writing, so you can document your actions.

Your written complaint should have three parts: a detailed, objective description of your boss’s offensive behavior and dates when it occurred:: a description of how that behavior made you feel: and a statement of what you want to happen next, such as having the behavior stop. Keep a copy of the letter in a place other than the office should you need it for future reference.

"Managers have a legal responsibility to investigate all charges of sexual harassment, no matter whom they’re lodged against," notes Dawn Fisher, senior associate in research and advisory services with Catalyst, a New York based organization that researches women’s issues in the workplace. "If managers continue to ignore your group’s complaint, their jobs could be in jeopardy should the group pursue legal action."

Should your formal complaint fail, seek out the human-resources, equal-employment-opportunity (EEO), affirmative-action or union officer in your firm who handles claims on this issue. If you lack such an officer, or if your efforts still do not get positive results, you’ll have to enlist the aid of an employee-assistance program outside your firm, like the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC), or even an attorney to champion your cause through the legal system.

I unwisely began an affair with my boss. Now I want to end it, but he has threatened to ruin my career. What should I do?

Unless you’ve resigned yourself to indentured servitude, be firm in your decision to end the affair - and prepare yourself for the fallout. Says Dorothy e. Nelms, a Washington, D.C., attorney and management consultant, "It’s your boss’s threat that will make this a clear-cut case of quid pro quo-something given in return for something else - sexual harassment, should be made good on it." Your goal should be to see that he doesn’t. "Formally advise him in wring of your desire to end the affair, telling him that his threat is an abuse of power and that you intend to bring sexual-harassment charges against him if he persists in his plan to undermine your career," says Nelms. This will put him on notice that you aren’t intimidated and establish a paper trial through which you should document any ensuing harassing behavior that can bolster your case.

"Talk with another manager or human-resource representative in your company," advises Charlene Moore Hayes, director of personnel at Purdue University in West Lafayette, Indiana. "You should also ask for assistance with efforts to get another position, change your reporting relationships or identify other alternatives for minimizing the opportunity for retaliation."

If this doesn’t stop him, you’ll have no choice but to pursue potentially embarrassing public channels for reporting this type of behavior. By law, you can’t be penalized or retaliated against for taking such action, but in reality it can happen, possibly resulting in your having to leave this firm. And the fact that your relationship was initially consensus will definitely pose a credibility problem for you.

"When you gave this man entree into your personal life through intimacy, you muddied the water," says Ivory Dorsey, author of Universal Appeal: The Bottom Line Benefit of Diversity (Kendall-Hunt) and president and founder of Golden Eagle Business Services, Inc., a training and consulting firm in Atlanta. But this doesn’t make your complaint any less valid or actionable.

"Sexual harassment is about power and control, and that bears no resemblance to a normal sexual relationship, which should be free of the element of threat to one’s job or livelihood," says Dorsey.

I’m employed in a male-dominated field. A particular colleague uses every business-related conversation we have to make an off-color or sexually explicit joke or comment. When I spoke to my manager about this, he told me to "lighten up." Do I have to put up with this?

Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 prohibits unwanted sexual advances, requests for sexual favors and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature in the workplace, so you absolutely do not have to be subjected to this type of behavior.

"There was a time when the feeling was that if a woman chose to work in a male-dominated field, she had to take it as she found it or get out," says attorney and management consultant Nelms. "Times have changed."

According to Doris Boyer, president of Young Boyer Associates, a management consulting firm specializing in human relations, training and human resources in Maplewood, New Jersey. "By dismissing your complaints, your manager is maintaining a hostile work environment and through his nonaction is opening the door for a lawsuit."

Regardless of what your manager does or doesn’t do, you are ultimately responsible for setting and honoring your own personal boundaries of morality and respect. At no time should you give any indication that you sanction these jokes or comments, either through your silence (which can be construed as consent) or by good-naturedly going along with them.

"Tell the offender promptly and forcefully that his comments make you uncomfortable and that he should stop subjecting you to them," advises Catalyst’s Dawn Fisher. Ask him if he’d make those offensive comments to his mother, wife or daughter or how he’d react if anyone else did. A decent person will be shamed into compliance. However,, if he persists, and your manager’s indifferent attitude remains the same, seek the aid of the sexual harassment agent within your company and pursue the complaint up the chain of command, even outside the company, until you resolve the problem.

I am very attracted to a male coworker. Is there a way I can let him know I’m interested without my actions being deemed inappropriate?

Most of us now spend large amounts of our time in the workplace, so the potential for professional relationships to blossom into social or even intimate ones is that much greater. You can let your coworker know of your interest by discreetly inviting him to social events outside the company. If you share a common interest, suggest engaging in some related activity together on your own time, which should clearly telegraph your intentions of developing nonbusiness association with him. then follow his lead in taking (or not taking) the relationship to another level.

"Whatever action you choose to make your interest known may not be deemed inappropriate unless it reaches a stage of verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature that is unwelcome by the other person," observes Ben Harrison, Ph.D., president of Ben Harrison Associates, an Oakland management consulting firm specializing in race and gender differences. In other words, if he’s not, back off and leave it alone - otherwise you may find yourself the defendant in a sexual harassment suit, especially if your persistence infringes on that person’s ability to do his job.

Also consider whether your overture will make him feel good or comfortable. Then proceed, or not, accordingly.

"My basic rule is that you don’t honey’ where you make your money, because things can get ugly if the relationship sours," says Michele Fantt Harris, assistant vice-president and director of human resources for the Association of American Medical Colleges in Washington, D.C., and a board member of the Society for Human Resource Management. Ask yourself if you can continue to maintain a professional relationship with this coworker if an intimate one should fail," continues Harris. If you can’t, pass it on.

I’m the only unmarried woman in my office. For some reason, my female boss singles me out at company meetings to publicly question me about my love life. Is this sexual harassment? No, unless her queries are of a sexual nature and she has persisted in making them after you’ve brought your discomfort to her attention. "Providing people with one-on-one feedback on their behavior and how it affects you is a powerful intervention," says psychologist and consultant Henderson. What designates behavior as harassment depends on the perception of the victim and other reasonable people. So it’s possible that the offender is unintentionally making you feel comfortable out of ignorance of your reaction to her behavior.

"Your boss’s actions might be her misguided way of bonding with you," says AMA’s Lyons. "Tell her directly that you don’t discuss your personal life in the office and you’d like her questioning to stop." If you two have a friendly relationship, you might not mind joking with her, though not in the presence of colleagues. If she ignores you, she’s creating a hostile work environment for you. You can then initiate a sexual harassment grievance against her.

One of our biggest and most important clients loves to get touchy-freely with me whenever he visits our office. My boss considers this behavior "harmless." How should I handle this? With candor and tact. This client is invading your personal space by touching you and needs to be put in check - pronto. "Tell him, as nicely as possible, to keep his hands off - and mean it," advises management consultant Boyer.

"Overt acts of intimacy in a business setting are often cloaked power plays. If you say nothing, they’ll continue - the person knows he can get away with it."

Even if there’s no ulterior motive behind the touching, you deem it inappropriate, so take the responsibility for confronting him if you want to stop.

"Maybe he doesn’t realize that having his arm around your shoulder, for instance, is uncomfortable for you." says Purdue University’s Hayes. You might say: "It makes me uncomfortable when you touch me that way. I’m not questioning your intentions, but I’d prefer that you not do it again. I hope we can have a good professional relationship." If it’s truly innocent behavior, he will stop it when you ask him to.

Now for your boss. While his bottomline concerns are understandable, they should never supersede the safety and well-being of his staff. "The employer [and its management] is responsible for maintaining a work environment free of sexual harassment, even if it comes at the hand of a client or vendor," says Michelle Kurley Keys, director of the Cleveland office of 9 to 5, National Association of Working Women, a membership organization dedicated to women’s and family issues. "His support of you, or lack of it, will be scrutinized if this issue requires further intervention."

When I interviewed for a job with a high-powered firm, I was told that the women in the company are expected to entertain male clients so they’ll remain happy customers. Since coming on board, I’ve learned that "entertaining" often exceeds the normal course of business, I need this job. What should I do? It depends on what "entertaining" means. You imply that it’s more than taking clients out to lunch or discussing business over drinks. If any part of this expectation, stated or implied, is sexual in nature, if it was made a condition of employment and you don’t want to do it (unless you’re a call girl), this is sexual harassment in a big way, and you should take action immediately.

"We always have choices, and they can’t always be centered around economics," says Lorraine Johnson, a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist who handles work-related stress cases in San Diego. "Since you don’t like this firm’s work ethics, which you, in effect, agreed to when you signed on, it might be easier on you to close this door and allow another one to open than it would be to stay and try to change the corporate culture."

If you decide to stay, you’ve got some work to do. Johnson advises that you set clear boundaries with the firm as to what you will and won’t do to entertain clients. Put these stipulations in writing, and document all instances when you’re asked to perform a duty you’ve already stated you don’t want to do.

Your final resort is to go up the affirmative-action and equal-employment-opportunity chain of command to seek resolution. Whatever your decision, don’t set yourself up to be a victim.

A male member of my team always makes comments about my clothing and how it complements my figure. How can I let him know this is starting to make me feel uncomfortable without coming off as stuck-up or unfriendly? Suggests Doris Boyer, "Give your teammate the benefit of the doubt by assuming he doesn’t realize that what he’s doing is a problem, and then politely let him know that it is." You can even ask in a nonthreatening manner, whether he would make those same comments if his partner or child were standing there. If his intentions are honorable, he’ll likely back off, with no offense taken. Be sure not to beat around the bush as you convey the message.

"Men are generally direct in their communication, and you should be too," advises Dorothy Nelms. "Memming and hawing indicate ambivalence on your part, and can even send a mixed message that might be construed as leading the person on rather than pushing him away."

As for being concerned that you’ll be perceived as an unfriendly snob, the issue for you is not what he thinks, but how what he does makes you feel. A reasonable person will understand your concern and modify his behavior accordingly. If he doesn’t, however, he’s knowingly and actively engaging in sexual harassment, and you don’t need him as a friend anyway.

I’m a member of the armed forces. A fellow solider, whose sexual advances I’ve rebuffed, has started the false rumor that I’m a lesbian - an accusation that could end my military career. What recourse do I have? Women in the military who report harassment or rape are frequently retaliated against by being labeled lesbians, much like civilian women who receive the same treatment by spurned male admirers. The big difference here, though, is that in the armed forces such an accusation can result in a discharge. Before things get out of hand, try appealing to that soldier’s sense of honor and decency by asking him to show his maturity by dispelling the rumor. If he’s not game, remember that self-preservation is the first law of nature and you have to play hardball.

"Because military personnel aren’t covered by Title VII, this soldier must rely on the sexual-harassment investigation process within the military system," says Michelle M. Benecke, an attorney and codirector of the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network in Washington, D.C. Though this process is far from perfect, Benecke acknowledges, "the military, to its credit, is trying to improve this situation."

Female service members are basically advised to report harassment issues through their chain of command. According to Benecke, however, how rigorously your complaint is investigated will have a lot to do with the moral fiber of your commanding officer. Should your harasser happen to be your commanding officer, you’ll be at a distinct disadvantage from the start. The current "don’t ask, don’t tell" policy stipulates that a service person’s sexual orientation can’t be investigated without just cause or proof. Lacking this, your accuser shouldn’t have much leverage. "Unfortunately," acknowledges Benecke, "racism, sexism and homophobia are alive and well in the military and they often override this safety net."

Benecke notes that a separate chain exists within the military where sexual harassment claims can be filed. However, any action on these complaints is taken at the behest of your commander. Says Benecke, "Your best bet would probably be in seeking an outside military advocate, like the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network, because outside scrutiny is perhaps the best way of holding the military accountable in these cases."

I’m an active member of an influential church in my city, and my highly respected minister has started making sexual advances toward me. Will my silence subject others to his harassment? What should I do? It’s a safe bet that you are not the first woman he has harassed and most likely won’t be the last. So, if nothing else, you have a moral obligation to end the cycle of abuse.

"The minister-parishioner relationship is arguably the ultimate in power relationships - what a betrayal of the cloth!" notes Charlene Moore Hayes. She advises that you write your minister a letter, making it a polite and low-key factual account of events. Describe in detail what happened and how it made you feel. Tell him you want him to stop the advances, being specific about the behavior, and let him know how far you’ll go, including, but not limited to, telling the church’s first lady about her errant husband. Keep a copy and send him the original by certified mail. His fear that you’ll share the letter with his family, his church superiors or the community should halt the aberrant behavior. Should it not, then you’ll know that your pastor has a serious problem that he needs outside help in managing. It’s up to you to initiate some action for the good of the church - and yourself.

Even if it doesn’t go that far, it’s likely that this experience has irreparably damaged, if not severed, your spiritual relationship with this minister.

"You need to find another spiritual adviser, because the one you have is corrupt," says Cheryl Henderson. "You have the right to expect to be treated with dignity and respect everywhere, especially in church."

Despite legislation and enlightment,, there is no foolproof deterrent to sexual harassment. Yet it is within each woman’s power - and right - to set the boundaries of behavior that she will and won’t tolerate from others. You owe it to yourself. As sexual-harassment survivor Patricia Wingard Carson states in her book Peculiar Pain: A Close Look at Black on Black Sexual Harassment and Its Impact (Kendall-Hunt): "It’s not enough to just merely survive. You must prevail over circumstances that dare to rob you of your dreams."
 
 

Dawn M. Baskerville is chief of reporters of In Style Magazine.

Essence Magazine, May 1997